Utapala – The Blue Lotus

 

 

Abhra waited for Acharyaji to complete his evening meditations. The darkness was slowly enveloping the world as the Sun went to rest. The surrounding trees were planning to retire as all the birds were coming home after a tiring day. Abhra sat on the swing with the to and fro motion of the swing and her thoughts were also following that oscillatory motion. She saw some people coming towards the house from the dense woods. She knew Acharyaji had visitors and she will not be able to meet him today she felt confused. They came towards the house and talked with Guruma. They sat in courtyard waiting for Acharyaji.

 

 

Guruma and Acharyaji came towards her. She immediately got up and bowed her head in reverence.

 

“Child what happened?”  The deep and peaceful voice of Acharyaji resonated in the atmosphere.

 

“I am very disturbed, I wanted to talk to you.” She said

 

“I have visitors child. I will see you early in  morning tomorrow near the bank of the river. Go home it is getting dark.”

 

Abhra bowed her head again and replied

 

“I will be there in the morning.”

 

With these words she took their leave as she sat in the chariot but she was very uneasy. Many questions raced in her mind like a hive of bees. The idea, the confusion, the doubts were tangled together and were making her very uncomfortable. She reached home. The night was waiting for her. The day retired but in her world the life was experienced in all worthlessness at night.

 

 

Tonight she knew Shreshti would be waiting for her …waiting for her to ..

She had been wedded to Shresthi for three years now and till the time she could please him she would continue to be his mistress…his lover in the darkness. The irony was she had to love him but did he…No for him her body mattered. Tonight she was tired in body and soul. A night, where she wanted to rest and comb the tangles of her chaotic thoughts slowly delicately.

 

 

But she hardly had a choice. She had to go through the rituals of getting ready for the night. She did everything as if she was watching someone doing it. She went through that night and she found out another truth. Her body and soul were in conflict with each other. On other nights her soul had been at rest, may be not knowing, not grasping the bitter truth of giving up all the rights of her own body to someone who had paid her. And all she got was ….

As the darkness settled down the naked dance of lust made her cry for mercy. She could not hold back her tears and he found out she was crying.

Instead of asking her what was the matter. He blamed her for not doing her duty.

 

“Duty what duty?” She asked

 

“I pay for this.” He said

 

Oh yes he had paid for this and she had to pay back. With no choice she gave in her body he tortured it and her soul whimpered but who cared no one. She knew even her mother would not be able to save her from this. She gave in as the lust turned to anger and he punished her brutally. Her soul and her body lost each other and she was   dead.

 

 

It was towards the dawn that she came out of the chaotic coma she had gone into. He had left. Now her body belonged to her. One night, only one night she had yearned for a little love, a little  understanding, some comfort which she gave him every night he ….could not help her. He never saw her essence, never felt the ripples beyond her skin.

 

 

She gathered herself .She had to go to the river bank to meet Acharyaji. She washed her face with the cool scented waters. The luxury, the opulence pained her today what a price to pay she thought. Covering herself with an anshuk she walked down. Today she was different she walked but she was numb. The thoughts were humming in her mind like agitated bees. Her soul was weeping silently.

 

 

As she made her way towards the river she could see the stars fading away. The Sun comes out in the day when the stars hide but in her world there was no Sun and there were false stars in the night which were illusions of splendid visions.

She reached the bank the river flowed gracefully, softly. The water reminded her of life which travels through wilderness. The river leaves her father's house to find her destiny and has to go through so many lands, so many places, so many .....just like human life. 

Acharyaji was waiting for her. She bowed her head. They sat on the bank.

 

“What happened child”? Tell me

 

“Acharyaji, Why is destiny destined?”

 

He looked at her with extreme fondness, he had great affection for this girl

 

“Because that Almighty wanted us to find a truth which lies beyond.”

 

“But why is there a chasm between what we want and what we get?”

 

“There is no chasm dear girl it just our perception.”

 

“No there is.”

 

“Tell me what do you want?”

 

“I want get married. I know I cannot.”

 

“Why do want to get married?”

 

“Well to become ….” She left the sentence midway.

 

“You know child do you think you will be happy if you get married?”

 

“Yes I suppose.”

 

“Happiness does not come because of some things, some conditions, it’s a state. It is there in our essence and if can touch that we can be happy whatever are our external circumstances.’

 

“But the texts say that you get what you sow.” Abhra said

 

“True.” He replied

 

“But if I am in a low profession how can I get a good life by doing such bad deeds.” She asked

 

“You are doing your duty.”

 

“Duty?” She was confused.

 

“Yes Abhra you give love and hope to those who need. You give the shade of your soul to the travelers who are tired by the harsh sun of life.”

 

But all come to seek my body no one ..wants to my soul.”

 

“Have you seen a tree laden with fruit? All come and pluck the fruit, all sit in the shade Have you seen anyone watering the tree? The tree also wants love and care Abhra but it gets it from The Earth, The Sky.The Wind The Fire, The Water.....The Panchmahabhut. And this is what it is made of and us too.

 

 

“The ‘Sanmitra’ you are talking about will come or may have already come in your life.

Tell me have you never felt a strange bonding with someone an inexplicable bond of wordless conversations. The poetry of eyes…

And this has nothing to do with your body. This could be anyone a child, a man a woman, a boy , a girl…

Have you never felt the tingling sensation when you see someone and that person can read you like a script and so can you....

Have you never heard the song of another soul which is in the same tune as yours....

Have you never ever heard the cry of a soul connected to you even when you are separated by thousands of yojans?"

 

Abhra was silent …She looked at him

 

‘You have my dear I can see it in those stars of your eyes.” He said looking at her

 

“Yes Acharyaji.” She said

 

“May I ask you who and when?’

 

‘Yes you can…

 

“Its Anay…..”

 

And Abhra narrated her journey. 

 

Anay was the son of the gardener who used to come to the house with flowers. Some time back she had noticed he specially selected the most beautiful of blooms for her. The exquisite Parijatakata, the Suvarnachampaka…. the Yuthika, the Akunda.........She had noticed the silent whispers that went around when this happened as others in the house noticed this. One day he had brought an Utpala – a lotus with blue soft shade of indigo.This was a lovely and a sacred bloom which looked magical and mystical.The flower brought a sense of magic in her life. And that day the gossips and whispers were like the chirping and twittering of sparrows. It went around and was hushed as she entered any chamber, but she was not bothered..It closed its petals towards late afternoon and bloomed again in the day. She had kept it in a silver bowl filled with water and at night as small diya burned near it.Abhra found solace from the pains and tortures her body went through. It was as if it rained silver stars softly on her soul. Dried and whithered and dull blue now it was in her silver Manjusha [ a small box ] as sacred as it can be.

 

 

But ….then one day she was asked to go to a mansion to give a dance performance. All the young and rich boys were there young men who had beautiful wives and loads of money. But empty lives an emptiness coming from getting everything very soon and very easily. They never knew the value of work the importance of work and to fill this void and fill in the time they needed her body to play. She was giving her performance and was doing a dance on rangavali a kind of colored powdered. Her measured steps created a pattern they asked for. Once they wanted a blue green, peacock dancing in the rains then they asked for flowers in garden, then they wanted some deer in a green forest.....The colors in different hues took fascinating  shapes under her feet and the men they enjoyed themselves by looking at those patterns and adding more colors. They were showering colors on her face which was making her uncomfortable because her eyes were stinging.The men were hardly bothered and were laughing merrily.

Suddenly one of her nupurs broke and the tiny round ghungroos spread around her. She could not stop dancing as it was not done.

 

 

Then one of the rich young man had a brilliant idea he ordered more gold ghungroos. Which were thrown on the ground she danced her steps and they created the demanded patterns on the floor.The designs looked goegeous with tiny round golden ghungroos  but her soles were aching and they got embedded in her skin.

But all of them were laughing, drinking and enjoying. They were happy to see her in pain and rejoicing in her discomfort. One of them commented she looked more beautiful in her agony and tears.

Something very innocent died inside her.She felt  herself scattered like those nupurs but completed the performance and ran. She went down the steps and could hear them laughing merrily. Those sounds went into her ears as droplets of fire. Her feet were aching and swollen.

 

 

She decided to go to the temple and sit and cry. As she climbed the steps of the templeAnay saw her he came hurriedly towards her.

 

‘Abhra…what happened?”

 

She tried to hide her face in her anshuk but could not hide her tears.

One look at her and he knew.

 

“Just rest here till I come back.” He said

 

When he came with something in his hand she was in great pain.

He sat down took her feet and very slowly and softly took out those embedded broken nupurs from her skin applied some herbs.

 

She looked at him

 

“Here now you will be fine.” He looked at her

 

Their eyes met for a brief second and everything was said and spoken without a sound as everything was heard and understood too without a sound. The bells in the soul temples responded to each other. A brief moment in the vastness of existence stood still. A brief second where life saw many happy births. A brief ….second when The sky, The earth, the Wind The Water sang a melody and the fire of insult and  hatred died slowly. The rains came without clouds and drenched the two souls in the blazing sun.

 

 

She went back home and life continued

 

Acharyaji was silent through out the incident

 

“Achayaji…….

 

“Can I renounce ?” Abhra asked him

 

“Abhra child do you know the meaning?”.

 

“Yes I know.”

 

To give up all this will give me “ME”

 

“Yes it will be the path you choose will be very difficult. You cannot marry.”

“No I don’t want to.” She replied.

 

“I want to accompany you to the Himals when you go next month for the pilgrimage.”

 

“Yes the Himals!…he said with a smile. Those wonderful lofty mountains,where you can touch the sky …the blue and the sky of your soul too. Where the HIM will melt the HIM inside your soul Abhra. The HIM has Agni. The fire which burns and cleanses, the fire which consumes and purifies and the gold shines to dazzle.

 

“Why are the Gods situated on heights Acharayaji?” Abhra asked

 

He looked at her “Child it is not the physical height which we can measure.”

 

Abhra smiled she understood its our personal journey, to go to the lofty heights, to measure the mountains of obstacles, our destinies…

And when we reach that Temple where our soul merges with greatest and we hear the cosmic melody of divine grace.

 

Abhra got up from the bank of the river. She was now a different girl. She would find her own answers she will go through that cosmic dance of destinies.

 

 

“Go home child I will arrange the meeting of  all the Shrestis to grant you the permission to go to the pilgrimage. But though you might get the permission you might not be able to leave you profession. You will have to come back.”

 

 

Abhra bowed her head “Yes I know.” She said

 

 

They walked together towards civilization.

Two pairs of footsteps were imprinted on the river sand the mentor and the disciple.

 They were the sides of a same truth. The Master and The “Mistress”

 

 

Abhra took Acharayaji’s leave she had a busy day ahead. Her steps were poised, balanced but in her mind the horses of her thoughts were running wild without reins.

 

 

She reached the house. She was trying to control herself. Her hair was wisps sticking to her tear wet face. But her eyes were peaceful. The lifeless life was getting up for the day.

 

 

She went to her chamber and closed the curtains. She refused the maids and had her bath. She took out her Utpala from the silver Manjusha she had wrapped in soft silken folds. her Utpala…the blue indigo, whithered flower of time, of her soul love…of some brief yet eternal moments of bliss.

She touched it to her cheeks closed her eyes and prayed for strength to face the difficult day ahead of her.

 

 

To be continued