Nirabhra - The Cloudless Sky

Abhra was soon called by her grandmother. She braced herself for what was going to come. As she kept the Utpala her hands trembled but her heart was peaceful. She went out of her chamber and walked towards main chamber.There was a huge gathering. Her grandmother was sitting with all other women in the house .There were young girls like Abhra too. A hushed silence followed her as she entered. Every eye looked at her every ear wanted to listen what she said. She was scared to breathe ..as she felt she would have to account for each breath she took.

"Abhra!..." her grandmother’s voice rang around

"Dear girl why ? "

She then controlled herself as she realized  that she was the senior mistress here and not only  Abhra's  grandmother.

"Abhra you want to leave on a pilgrimage. Is this correct?"

"Yes grandmother…"

"And you want to renounce."

"Yes grandmother." She replied

"Do you know that is not possible..you are the bride of the whole Nagar."

"Yes I know."

"You have to explain to the Shretis why you need to go to the pilgrimage. You will have to answer the question also."

"Yes grandmother."

The meeting was over. Soon she was asked to come to the royal court where the meeting of the Shretis would be held. The court was packed as everyone wanted to see her. It is true that in life people are far more involved in what happens to others than their own lives. She walked firmly and stood on the dais. The King made an entry. Then Acharyaji came and the whole discussion started

"Abhra you will have to give a test satisfies us you can go on the pilgrimage."

"Yes." She replied

She was handed a manuscript and asked to read. She could read all….but was stuck on an alphabet…It was the SAA written in red color. She was silent.

Abhra could not lift her eyes. A SAA  in red color what does it mean. She looked at the gathering. Everyone stared at her some smiled some laughed. She looked at Acharyaji he looked peaceful and affectionate. She stared at the SA and then it dawned on her.

Red SA mean lalsa which was ichha or the wish

Yes she said it’s "The ichha."

 A stunned gathering looked at her. There was silence all around and then the king stood up and everyone else too.He gave her the permission to go on the pilgrimage. She had won one battle on her own. Her eyes had pride and gratitude mixed together. She bowed her head. The Shretis declared.

"You can go on the pilgrimage with Acharyaji but will have to come back to the profession. You are the bride of the Nagar you have to do the duty. Do you agree?

"Yes I do." said Abhra

The meeting was over. Abhra came home. She was silent. She went to her chamber. Today she became different from her sisters, from her mother, her grandmother her kin of blood her kin of profession.

She had to get ready as she was to embark on the journey the next day. When you decide to give up your life to HIM then what is there to get ready? You don’t need anything. Neither do you have to take any gifts to prove your love. You go to him with a devotion which fills and overflows your heart. Your hands may be empty but he can see the treasures of your heart. You do not need to dress up…No need for anything.....nothing yet have everything….yes you are fulfilled.

The white clothes for the pilgrimage were send to her. She was supposed to give away her possessions. Which she did…She could give away everything except the dried blue lotus flower….Her small heart did skip a beat at the thought of parting with it. She took it out and touched it it was all dried up. She could not give it …but could not carry it too. She replaced it in the manjusha and decided to give it to her mother for safe keeping…If she came back when she came back she might need it…

The next night was different. No one slept in Abhra’s home that day. That was different night for everyone. It was not sold though they did not sleep.

Abhra had been a good daughter, a good friend to many. She had been a good prostitute too..well yes she did her duty... very well ironical but true.

So everyone was sad at the thought her going away. She had being a help many in need. Listened to problems of others, had sat with many when they wanted to cry …silently. In her world there was no space for dreams they were the blooms of the sky……AAKASHPUSHPA………out of reach ...but dreams are like butterflies with gossamer wings they softly come and touch the petals of your heart. They are like moon beams which dance around you as magical fairies.. So when they broke they made the hearts bleed. There was need of a soft silence, a caring note, a touch ….which she had provided to many.

She was ready . Her last bath in the civilization was a ritual. As she wore the white garments, she looked pure and peaceful, calm and serene

It was early hours of the next day when she walked towards the bank of the river to meet Acharyaji. Everyone accompanied her till the flowing waters. It was quite a procession.

The wind, the breeze asked each other what was the matter? The fawns looked in amazement and ran inside the dense woods.

Acharyaji and Guruma were waiting for her. She bowed her head

They blessed her. Acharyaji went to her mother. Her eyes were searching some one….the only one who was not there…

"I will take care of your daughter as a lady protects the pious flame of the diya. Do not worry. She will be safe. God bless you." Acharyaji assured her mother.

Abhra bowed her head in front of her mother and grandmother. They hugged her crying silently She wiped her tears and tried to smile

She walked away with Acharyaji. She looked back to wave them. Feeling lost she wanted to see those kind eyes once before going.

As they walked on the path inside the woods, . to her surprise….He was there standing near the woods…waiting for her

As they went onwards him. He bowed to the elders ..they moved forward as Abhra stopped to look at Anay. Wordlessly he handed her a fresh blue lotus…She looked at the bloom with fresh shining dew drops on it then looked at his eyes. They were filled with what she yearned for. She took it and silently followed the others…

Today she had embarked on a journey where she was herself her body her soul were one. The three walked on a known journey to some unknown destinations. A path which would take them through woods and forests, to rivers and mountains, plains and valleys. They traveled through the road in the day and rested at night. Sometimes in the woods, some times in a farmers house, sometimes near a river. They would reach the Himals in eight months a long tedious journey. Abhra was not used to this life but she got accustomed. Guruma and Acharyaji looked after her as their own daughter. She would sleep under the stars listening to the beautiful tales which both of them narrated. Acharyaji was all philosophy of wisdom and Guruma wisdom of philosophy. Guruma would comb her hair lovingly sometimes and plait it. As she removed the tangles of her hair she delicately combed the tangles of hurts and insults in her mind.

 She saw the mountains and climbed them, experienced the tiredness which would result in deep slumber. There is nothing like a physically tiring day to get control of  the horses of  your thoughts. They visited temples which were situated on the heights and the path went through woods dense and deep as the human mind. The God's abode made them see the nature in all its splendor. They would sometimes rest in civilization sometimes get drenched in the rains. The three figures walked with each other, ahead of each other followed each other…The temples and the deities, the temple bells the prayers resonated  in Abhra’s mind making her calm.

One evening they were resting near a temple which had a river flowing near by…Abhra had taken her bath and all the three of them had offered their poojas. She was helping Guruma to make the dinner. The simple staple food could taste so delicious as hunger is the best sauce needed. They sat on the bank looking at the river when Acharyaji told her about the river and the sea the sun and the earth …the love and affection of relationships., the web of illusion which results in disillusionment's.

"If you see the cosmos Abhra everything is changing every thing is related and everything is relative. This moment is related and born of the past will give birth to the future just as our thoughts one thought which is succeeded by other is preceded by another. So our roots and our flowers are the same. As a tree we see the blooms but ignore the roots. We should take care of the roots the blooms will take care of themselves." He said

Abhra looked at him mesmerized…How true she thought instead of appreciating the roots we tend to ignore them and praise the flowers.  The base is what matters the firmness of earth which gives everything and nurtures like a mother but ….will never give to injustice.

They were on the heights now. The landscape changed and the ravines and mountains and the forests were home to so many souls and spirits. The flowers innumerable differences, lovely soft and silken, the fauna, the trees growing taller and taller competing to get their piece of the sun and the sky. The wind and breeze becoming cooler and colder and almost freezing. The mist would make white curtain which the wind would try to lift like a naughty child peeping behind. The rivers of the Himals the daughters of that Majestic Father danced in his lap as small girls. The Hem ganga and Pushpavati rivers and then the beautiful the Mandakini and the Alaknanda. This river resembled like a young girl to Abhra who was spoilt by a  loving father. There were the Brhamakamal the Hemavati , the Atarasu. On this river that enchanting morning Abhra found her soul.

The bluish green waters looked mystical and resonated with the sacred chants in the temple. Abhra and both her companions visited the temple. The early morning rays of the sun were touching the earth. The sky was generous in giving its bounty. As the temple bells resonated the echoes touched Abhra’s ear and that brief moment went on for eternity. Time stood still the five elements danced the cosmic dance. She could hear the melody of stars and the heavens. To the amazement of her companions she ran down towards the river. Her anshuk flew with the wind and she looked at that Hirangarbha the life of the earth the Sun. The God who comes on a chariot of seven horses with the light rays to dispel the darkness.

She could see the ages and the sages the Mantras and the Chants echoed in her mind  and  in her heart the chaos of so many days came to a stand still the knots loosened themselves and the threads of doubts and confusion became a heavenly weave of devotion and love for that Master who is everyone and not anyone too. Who is not somewhere but nowhere and yet everywhere. Who is in the animate and inanimate too.She could see her wishes her yearnings dissolving like ice. Yes the HIM [ ice ] around her melted the HIM  inside her. She could feel it flowing away in her tears and she was    exultant and ….she danced with the joy of freedom from all bindings and bonding, longing and belonging.

A moment where she found herself  one with the GREAT ONE. Guruma and acharayji had been waiting for this moment. They came towards her as she cried like a child in guruma’s lap and she cradled her like a baby. Everything broke and the dams overflowed . Everything mended and the temples were enshrined. What "is" became "was' and what "was not" became the "is". Nothing was there and everything came out of that Vivarta  [ nothingness ] Acharayaji blessed her and then pointed towards the sky.

"See that SKY the blue vastness of nothingness. There is no cloud there its Nirabhra....cloudless. Your soul has found that state Abhra where your sky is clear without any doubt , any resentments, complaints floating like dark clouds. So my dear child you become a Nirabhra from today. Be that and you will not want anything. need anything but you will be able to have everything and give anything too."

Abhra stared at the cloudless sky and then smiled and laughed and danced with boundless joy. She was Nirabhra...cloudless, doubtless...

"But then sometimes the sky also has clouds so will you. They will pass each and every cloud shall pass over ...Remember that then nothing will disturb you." He added 

They resumed the journey back . It had taken them a year to come a year would take them back home. Three souls bound by their individual destinies traveled again the same path.

They walked along the road which had changed yet still there but time had walked on it and those three. The march of time no one can stop, no one knows and yet everyone walks the time.

To be continued